I experimented with an Instagram TV video this week and I must say that I am steel reeling in the awkwardness of actually being in front of the camera and listening to myself speak. Nonetheless, in line with my stronger side which is writing, here are some tips on how to go about introducing the idea of being your partners best friend into your relationship.
I must first say that, though to a good percentage of us, the line between best friend and boyfriend/spouse is very blurred, it is not the case for everyone. For the sake of definitions, let’s just put it out there that ´best´ denotes most favorite in a list. When used in the context of friendship, it really literally just implies that in the list of your friends, this particular friend sits right at the top as far as preference is concerned. (not that it should be a competition) …
In the light of that, someone wrote to me asking how I have been in a relationship for so long. In all honesty, it doesn’t feel like one…especially when you take away the pressure to behave in a certain way or the pressure of having a wedding and pressure to dive into parenting. It feels like having that one sibling who you are free with who obsesses over you…with the added advantage of holding your hand and kissing you ever so often…calls you every day and you can talk to about anything… Did I say you can pray with and is always praying for you? *note to self and B: we need to get back to this.
So … here are a few tips on how you can get the bff process started and hopefully turn the great task of being in a relationship into a better and more fun experience…
As with everything else in life…you have to want it bad enough to want to do something about it. So if you feel like you are in a friendless relationship or the friendship is not strong enough, decide to grow it. Here is the catch though, because it’s not a relationship with yourself…. your partner has to want the same thing too.
- Honest and open conversation
So after you establish that you want a deeper connection/ friendship with your partner…. Voice your concerns to them. That’s the only way they will know what you want and have the best shot of addressing it. The best meaningful and happy relationships are those that are built on honesty. It fosters trust and your partner knows the real you 100% of the time.
It’s impossible to experience depth without being vulnerable. This means that you lay yourself emotionally bare to your partner (it is important to figure out who to be vulnerable with because it can be disappointing) It is a risk that you take because the rewards are great. It gets easier to be vulnerable in a space where both of you are on the same page and want the same things…. when you agree on points of principle and when your partner has a sense of emotional intelligence.
- Time and patience
Good things take time and consistency… be patient with the process and you stand a higher chance of succeeding. B and I talk about some of what we did and how we got here on this blog. (you should check it out) …Keep in mind it has been 11 years…so be patient.
If you don’t fancy a long read, here is an IGTV video of me saying the same thing in about 6 minutes with added illustrations. Check out our hashtagmakini journey here
Love and love
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