So last weekend was mother’s day. My time line, as you would expect was full of sweet and amazing mother’s day messages outlining how great everyone’s mother is and how they are irreplaceable. Which is a great thing..
Except, not everyone enjoys a great relationship with their mother… And this year for the first time… People spoke up about some really strained and borderline toxic relationships they had with their mothers. While I may not relate to these experiences and this post isn’t about mothers… I thought to share little thoughts about toxicity because I have experienced it and dealt with it myself.
You see it’s easy to discard toxic friends or toxic people on the internet…but what happens when the toxicity is right in your family…people who you can’t really leave? All encounters with them leave a bad taste in your mouth…or worse still they make you question everything about yourself?
You wonder whether you are that bad or as malicious as they paint you… You wonder whether you are even good enough in the first place… Every time you reach out for some support or just simply a smile you leave the conversation more broken and betrayed than you initially were… and you wonder whether it was worth it in the first place.
Or they make you bear burdens that are not yours to bear and blame you for sins that are totally out of your control…and you wonder whether you didn’t act quick enough to salvage the situation…but nobody wants to hear how it was draining you, or how you tried your best…or how your hands are tied….
I feel you. I now how that feels…I have felt it too. maybe not as specific as your situation is…
I just want to remind you that you
need deserve to be happy… and its okay to create that happy space for yourself. The first step of doing this is to get out of that toxic situation…if you still want to, you can watch from the sidelines…but you need to get out of the situation first.
It’s okay to create happiness outside conventional channels and you don’t need to feel guilty about it… While hoping for an improvement in the relationship is a good bet, knowing that this may not happen shouldn’t prevent you from seeking happiness and forming new relationships with other people.
It’s also okay to want sometime off….mostly because I don’t think you can exactly cut some ties….It’s okay to refocus, to change your priorities, to grow yourself .
love and love
3 thoughts on “So what if it’s toxic?”
This is sooooo important. I know I was raised to give the toxic members in my family a pass to be toxic. It has taken years to break that pattern of thought.
So glad you have been able to break it… Because it takes long to do so. Hope you are in a good place mentally now
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You can’t break the ties you have with toxic family members.. and you can’t get that relationship elsewhere (like a parent) so what you said about refocusing and changing your priorities to grow yourself is very important.
Accept.. create new spaces for happiness… and move on with your life. Very good points you’ve put across. And nice pics too.. so soft and really looking vulnerable.. then the last one showing the happiness that’s possible.