A little breather

Its been a real minute since I just penned my thoughts on the blog, and this week after reading Shiro’s blog post I instantly knew that this is the missing piece to the puzzle in my life (ok this and money). So I thought to drop by here while I wait for B to be ready for us to hop in the shower (typical work prep grooming things). Hope you all have been doing well.

July was a little of a haze for me. I had mid year blues and every mood complication that comes with it. All the sadness and mood swings, literal mood swings that I could almost not get out of be for most days. The last week was so ghetto that I stayed out of any productive work just to try and balance out things and hopefully achieve my much needed and coveted rest quarter. Its the currently the first week of August and I have been feeling my spirits lift a little… I am observing myself and not celebrating the end of the depressive phase just yet, so that I don’t jinx it. I am hoping to really stay up top of my emotions this week just so that I can prepare for a little trip I have to go for next week.

In the spirit of trying to catch a break and focus on happier things, I was going through some of my engagement pictures a few days ago. First of all, lets just say that I need a redo of all of them because bruh, those pictures were absolutely ghetto. B and I took them by ourselves just a few months after we had just bought a DSLR camera, so you can guess there’s a bunch of things wrong with them. Its also the fact that I was blindsided and so I had no clue that the engagement was going to happen.

I told the little details of how it happened here, but there are a bunch of things that I may not have mentioned…like the fact that I almost missed the train because of the lecturer almost extending the class that I had to attend on the day of travel. I literally walked out of class into a cab straight to the train station. My hair was hardly made let alone my nails. Technically it wasn’t important because I thought we were going to just chill and take a much needed break from the struggle year that internship had been. So my outward appearance didn’t matter it was the inner person for me. The plan was to work on my thesis because deadlines…. But then BOOM! a man was there on his knees, asking serious questions and some pictures…. so for aesthetic reasons, I want a remake.

However, the photos make me all giddy and emotional as well. Like how raw they are and how much our relationship is built on so much friendship and vulnerability. Its the fact that I didn’t have to dress up, or I didn’t feel weird that he proposed when I was not all 100% snatched. Its the sincerity of that moment and how comfortable I felt saying yes and also knowing that i had to rush after that t finish tabulating my data for chapter 4… And despite how unprepared aesthetically and how unkempt I felt, it didn’t change the beauty of that moment… I try to be more prepared right now, and less blindsided. It hasn’t always worked but I am pretty good at it now.

Check out my other posts here and share with me your blindsided moments in the comments.


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