Just as I envisioned it

I have always envisioned myself as those girls in the pictures who put a laptop on their lap in bed, with a cup of tea and a towel turban on their head working on a chill evening. the problem is, I hardly if ever put a laptop on my lap despite its name suggesting were it should be placed, let alone turban my head with a towel. Its not like I haven’t done it before, its just that that instance was a shoot and the towel fell off my head not long after. The reality is, I can barely concentrate in bed, my laptop is 17 inches and quite heavy and I once had a cup of tea while I was working and ended up spilling the drink on my laptop key board and ended up needing a new one…So usually I just sit on the desk and type my posts.

Today though, is a little different. I purposed to start my day with some skin care which is something that I absolutely love and also, its skin care Sunday. So of course I woke up and did what any normal (not so normal) skin care loving person does before they embark in to their skin care….tease it on Instagram (which you should totally follow me btw). But I was a little sad and tired, so I lay down a little bit to cheer myself up aka watch some fun creators on YouTube and fell asleep in the process. I guess the tiredness took over me…

Then I woke up with a start, because naps really mess my mood up. I always wake up upset for some reason. I think today’s reason was me not having done skin care yet, (also the fact that I slept sad) so I set to start afresh and do my skin care. Its been two hours, i have just been staring at my skin care products kind of paralyzed and feeling overwhelmed.

You see, I have been working on better regulating my moods. That looks like speaking up when I am upset, letting people who have hurt me know and generally trying to solve, acknowledge and process my hurt. Sometimes however much I want to, am unable to. I get this bouts of paralyzing overwhelm where I am not able to articulate myself or so upset I cant even cry or talk. And it just sits with me, so I just sit and stare an I just cant explain that paralysis. (I also kina experience this with things that I am super excited about).

I think its because I always want my skin care or workout or unboxing moments to be filled with joy and to happen at the right time. just that my mind isn’t always able to figure out what the right time is or what it looks like. So I keep chilling, hopping that the stars will align, even if they rarely do. Every time I think about this I always end up wondering how that even makes sense, but I guess I am learning to process it, just as I am learning how to work with a laptop on my lap in bed today.

I’m just about to put it down to tie a towel turban on my head and wear a mask for my skin care rituals, then maybe sit down and work (ok maybe watch a show or two) with a drink in my hand just as I have always thought of the girl I should be.

Check out my previous blog posts here.



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