2.00 am

I can not begin to tell you how many posts (actual and draft posts) that I have started to write at 2.00 a.m because my sleep is a literal joke. I think I would classify it as more unstable than group 1 elements in the presence of moisture. OK that might be an exaggeration but you get the drift. Anything can set off my insomnia alarm and sometimes feel like my body does this to test me.

I want to say that Architecture ruined my sleep patterns, but the truth is I wasn’t much of a sleeper before anyway. I was the sneaker of novels into my blankets to read with a flash light after bed time. In fact B and I became truly best friends after spending a whole night catching up on high school stories over the phone. I slept at 6 and by 10 a.m I was up preparing lunch. I didn’t go sleeping afterwards neither did I feel tired. Technically sleeping late and waking up early after a relatively short sleep hasn’t been a problem for me.

However there are days that I am truly tired and really need to and want to sleep. Times when I begin dosing on my desk or even start watching my favorite YouTube videos and I am nodding in sleep. And then as if summoned, I get an intrusive thought and then BOOM my sleep disappears. I am tired but not sleepy which means I can’t work neither can I sleep. I try shutting my eyes, but it doesn’t translate to sleep, just listening to B softly snoring a few inches away. Or sometimes I just hold him and he is so peacefully asleep I am jealous.

The last time I had this one, I was having an anxiety attack which. spiraled out of control. I don’t think my body is back to normal yet, and it’s been two weeks. I still have minor anxiety and physical manifestation of the same.

Which is how I have ended up here. I haven’t had electricity in 72+ hours, in fact I don’t remember the last time a bulb went on in the house. You know how you try to be positive, and do other things that dint need electricity when power goes out, I have run out of positivity. I have been so stressed, I struggled to sleep. And when I did, I only managed a two hour nap. Now I am wide awake, I have been for the past 2 hours. I am thinking that I probably need medical intervention at this point, but I don’t know

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