Merry Christmas I guess

Two things prompt my writing… Darkness or nights and music. In my last post I talked about my random 2.00 am nights and my struggle with sleep. One of the things that I now do is listen to something, it helps me not be so aware of my sorrounding and helps me relax. I also use music to help me gather my thoughts and concentrate… Which is the case today. It’s almost midnight on Christmas eve, and weirdly enough, I’m struggling.

Today is that day… The day where my mood just refused to pick up despite what I did. I had orders to deliver this morning, and a bit of admin work to do. (this is the point where I have to say how overwhelmed and amazed at the sheer amount of support that you all have shown me with the journals project). In case you have no idea what that is about, this here is a good place to start.. This week has been amazing, not only did I recerve two gifts from give aways, I have sold out my first stock of journals and almost selling out my second… And all I’m hearing is amazing things… I know and I want to be happy. In fact I had a little celebration date today and got a little outfit… But despite all that, my mood still struggled.

You see festive seasons were never a big deal and really haven’t been… But this year I purposed to change that for us. I have wanted to create traditions for our little household around festive seasons, and to start to truly celebrate our milestones and things that are important to us. I was pretty excited about this Christmas because it was technically the first on the list. Pretty much went out and got little trinkets and outfits to create this little space.

I just had to go to the city to take care of a bit of business and see the dentist… Which spoiled the math because I had to have a second dental appointment that would keep me in the City much longer. B was having a working weekend (because medicine) so we were pretty much separated for the festivitie season. I think it’s now hitting me how much time we have to be apart and it’s Hella hard… I mean I can’t watch the Christmas movies or any of our shows alone or wear one half of the matching jammies. I tried to burn some candles, but it’s just not the same.

I’m showing up just fine and doing the chores I’m supposed to do, but it does feel in many ways that I can’t truly have Christmas. I’m banking on a delayed Christmas when B finally gets off duty and I get done with my appointment… But until then… Merry Christmas I guess?!

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