I was trying to figure out a way to introduce this topic because its technically so left field for me. You would think fashion is just that, I mean how hard can wearing clothes be? its one of the basic tasks hat you learn as a toddler. Except its not that easy, especially to a young, plus size woman in a heavily cultural and religious setting. If you though people have opinions on what you chose to wear, now imagine being a fat, Christian, African woman, you really have to multiply that by a factor which in my estimation has to be greater than 5.
B and I have been watching a telenovela, for maybe three or so months albeit non consecutively. (yeah the show has 100 episodes). Usually we don’t commit this long, or should I say I don’t, because B watched How I met your mother to completion a week after internship. Just for context, it’s been three years and I have never finished that show and I am not even sure that I am interested in doing so. The commitment is not my strongest point.
I probably started writing a post and then ran out of things to say or got distracted. I can’t believe how distracting adulting is, I am literally minutes away from spiraling into another existential crisis, as if the 36500 crises that I have already had this year are not enough. I have been postponing showing up here just because my thoughts are not settled on what I should talk about, my body is breaking down and I need to pack and cook. Yoh! I could use a bit of help in adulting, because this is not it.
This post is late because its been a week, technically quite a weekend. I’m sitting here typing this knowing that I have to go out later today and upgrade my wardrobe for warm clothes because Nairobi is showing me small small dust. I don’t know how you Nairobi people have been surviving this weather, and allegedly its better than it has been. This weather stresses me out, and not being prepared for it makes it even worse. As I figure out how to put together my wardrobe, let me catch you up on the weekend.
There is a trend on YouTube and I think TikTok which is called “being that girl”. The essence of the trend is that there is an ideal girl on social media. the one who wakes up early at 5, takes her vitamins, works out, and takes smoothies. this girl also works from 8-5, be always put together and has a pet…in short the ideal girl who apparently we all want to become. However when you say it’s that week, the implication is a little different…
I am back to my seat a lot earlier than i expected mostly because I have a very focused best friend who picked studying over cuddling…weird, right? But there’s people and then there’s principled people lol! B just happens to be one of the latter group. I am very happily settled at people. I have lots of assignments to catch up on so this post may be shorter than normal.
I don’t know if I have talked about or intimated here before, but I struggle with confidence. not the confidence of wearing bikinis, because I slay those . I mean, we don’t come out of here live and so that reggae cannot be stopped. What I struggle with on the other hand is my self narrative and how much I judge myself.
Its been a real minute since I just penned my thoughts on the blog, and this week after reading Shiro’s blog post I instantly knew that this is the missing piece to the puzzle in my life (ok this and money). So I thought to drop by here while I wait for B to be ready for us to hop in the shower (typical work prep grooming things). Hope you all have been doing well.
It has been my intention all week to show up and say hello here… But then life has its way of reminding me who is boss. I am learning to take this a lot more graciously given that I haven’t had electricity for about 30 hours now and that just made me lose 1 full day worth of work. I want to be upset but I mostly feel helpless about this whole situation.