This will probably go up when I am on the road, I will probably be asleep or reading a book seeing that it’s going to take 6hours to finally arrive. You see ever since March when the curfew was announced which drastically cut short a little birthday get away that B and I wanted to have…
I grew up in a household that did not understand festivity and holidays. In fact what was Christmas in other households was general cleaning in our house… Where we would wash the blankets that hadn’t been washed a whole year and sometimes even walls (yes we washed walls).
I have a love hate relationship with the mirror. As a matter of fact, before my Natural Hair Journey, I never really used a mirror in my life. Mirrors to me were (kinda are) those annoying things that just had to remind you that you had a million and one spots on your face and would quickly reduce your self confidence level to -66%. So I generally avoided them. I never even looked at my reflection in the many glass-coated buildings in town, and whenever I did, the sight of my “fat” legs would quickly remind me why I never liked mirrors.
You see I am a pear shape… usually this shouldn’t be a problem except when your hips and waist decide to be inches apart in circumference… and when all authority in heaven and earth (as far as hips are concerned) were dumped on you in a rather unfair manner. I say unfair because everyone in my house is small and then there is me.
So while I should have been celebrating the curves that the LORD had made, I was busy lusting after small bodies. I was surely not eating all the food in the house and finishing for my sisters (why do people say this again? It is not kind at all! REALLY HURTS BTW!!). So I grew to dislike myself a lot and mostly thrived on a make believe world … something I still fight to date.
So last week I went to a place that is almost Limuru to baby sit my little nieces (and boy don’t they have interesting stories though). By the way I am an official baby sitter in case you need someone to stay with your kids, I have not been home for almost a month #outonbabysittingduties. (just email me!) So back to Limuru, it is so far from the road, you literally need to think twice before you embark on a journey to town.
Technically my life slowed down, thus I had time to think about a lot of things. Also I have my own ensuite bedroom which means my life is complete without necessarily stepping out of the room. Also, I could prance around naked or minimally clothed without a problem. Since the kids were out in school for most of the day, bedroom was my chill spot. There was a catch though… the MIRROR! It is right at the door between the door of the bathroom and the main bedroom door. So guess what! You have to see your unattractive self as it were every time you use the passages.
So for the past one or so week, I have been staring at this girl in the mirror. I have inspected her, criticised her, hated her, wished I could change just about everything… and finally learning to embrace her and love her. I have learnt to take care of her, to see those fat legs and be like…” they are mine”… to see that tummy and be like “we love you and we want to trim you”…. To see those thighs and be like “you are bae”… Just to love that body. So to endorse the self love body positive vibes, I decided to take some silhouette pics… just blurring out details and enjoying her form.
Maybe you should try mirror, or not… perhaps silhouettes… whatever you do, I hope you look at you and are like… “I’m dashing!!” If not, work your way there… whatever it takes!!!
Love and love
One of the hardest things to do on social media is being absolutely honest. There is this pressure in social media in general to look like you have all your act together. It’s kind of an addictive habit, but once in a while… the world caves in for us and it’s healthy to admit that we have trouble trying to achieve what we have put our minds to. It’s a healthy part of your life.
It feels good to be back after one month. I’m really sorry for the absence; let us just say life happens. Lots of stuff has been going on which made it a little hard to come on here and share a thought or two. That notwithstanding, I’m back. How have you been holding up?
I was going to share food ideas today, (or should I say that was the original intention of this post) but something more touching occurred. As I mentioned earlier, life has been happening a lot and not necessarily in the positive. I have had more than one emotional breakdowns in the past couple of weeks, and this is usually the time creativity flies out of the window. Let’s call this the meh moments. Technically content creation has been the last thing on my mind.
One day when I was particularly low, I got these whatsapp texts from B that put a huge smile on my face. Turns out he went to the kitchen and prepped a meal and took his time to document it so that I can blog it up here. So this post isn’t really about food per se… (This is assuming we can all fry potatoes or at least have some form of knowledge on how to do so) it’s really about the thought behind it.
B doesn’t exactly light up to the thought of cooking much less alone. So for him to get down to preparing a meal however basic and take his time to do it well means a lot. In addition to that, he takes time to document it for me (considering the anti-photocity (is this even a word?) of the male gender) #instagramhusband .
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” -C.S Lewis
It is not in the big things… but in the small things that love is expressed.
How have you been shown love in a small way that absolutely blew your mind away?
Love and love
In a world where there are opinions constantly being thrown at us, it gets increasingly difficult to enjoy who we really are. There is always room to be a little of something that we are not. How many times has someone around you told you how you can be a little thinner, a little fatter, a little taller, or even lighter? How many times have we dived into the internet to search for solutions and ideas to get our stomachs to the right size, or to achieve a standard of pretty that society has thrown on us?
Perhaps it is about your significant other… he can be a little richer, or perhaps should be a little older than you. Probably he should have been from a different community or a different person altogether. It could be your religious belief or your lifestyle. It could be anything. Just before you listen to them, PAUSE and take a deep breath.
ACCEPTANCE is key. It is a new (not really) word that I am beginning to incorporate into my journey and my life in general.
ACCEPTANCE is being okay and content with who I am… I always wanted to be a boy, for some reason it seemed so cool. So I tried everything that I thought would draw me nearer to being a boy. The shaggy hair, baggy pants you name it. Unfortunately nothing worked so here I am Just me. This means that I work with being a girl, and be content with being female, to achieve the goals I set for myself.
ACCEPTANCE is capitalizing on my strengths and working on my weaknesses I am very tactile and emotional, something that I am quite nervous about. It works both ways as strength and also the tool to my downfall as it were. I am slowly learning to embrace it as part of my journey and seeking to use my emotional self to reach out to others.
Acceptance is embracing my curves… and flaws… learning that my features serve to enhance the person that I already am and I am becoming. That flaws are special reminders of my journey, where I have been and perhaps where I am headed. They serve as the diversity in all this mix, and that I don’t have to ascribe to anybody’s school of thought if I don’t want to.
Acceptance is being proud of my weirdity… (is this even a word?). Proud that I get to have the perspectives that I have, proud that I have the exposure that I have. Proud to ascribe to my lifestyle however radical it may be. Just proud to be me.
Acceptance is loving B…. loving him just the way he is, loving him to the best of my knowledge and in a way he understands. Loving him in the way we choose…. Focusing on the future ahead rather than the side shows and distractions… refusing to let go in hard times and definitely enjoying the good times we have. Just loving B.
What is the one thing you have had to accept to enjoy being you?
Love and love